HOLY SHIT!!!

Okay so, after a ridiculously long week and a super short one the week before my pay check came to a grand total of $219.03 after taxes.  HOLY SHIT!  I think I am heading down to Mexico for the donkey show and here's why....
1.  I am getting screwed anyway so why not actually get paid for it?
2.  No heavy lifting, as I understand it they lift you!
3.  The only body fluids to clean up will be my own!
4.  I hear this job (and others like it) provide health checks and free clinic visits!
5.  No more 4:30am shifts, the show closes at 12:00am!
6.  Lots of positive feedback, bonuses and paid days off!
7.  The only people yelling at you to perform with more of a sense of urgency are actually paying you!!
Its either this or meth, its kind of a toss up at the moment.  I realize that my pay checks are a week behind, but next week I am scheduled for a grand total of 8 hours!!!  WOW!  REALLY!  A WHOLE 8 HOURS???
You either get worked to death four days in a row or get no hours at all.  Today was not a good day.  Between the creepy old dude with his 4 female escorts running around the store in underwear and the ridiculous teenagers in barely enough clothing, I am blessed to even have my sight at all!  Oh and whats with the screaming kids??  HOLY SHIT!!!
I work at an outdoor mall and this location happens to have quiet a few attractions for the family.  However this store should not be one of them.  But day in and day out I get to pull kids out of the windows, clean up their gross, sticky candy from off the floor and listen to the scream, whine, and cry.  Today was especially fun as children got in the drawers and made a complete disaster out of four hours work.  Really?  Yes really.
The back room right now is stocked so full that there is literally no room to turn around.  Needless to say the women that work in the back room are getting to know each other VERY well.  You honestly can't turn around without bumping into breasts or butts.  For some this may sound like heaven, but after a few hours it just gets weird.  At first its funny.  Then it's really funny, and then it sort of spirals out of control into all out punch drunk silliness.  We have actually been told to keep our laughter down so as not to give the customers the "wrong idea".  Then it gets kind of weird.  Not weird bad, just weird.  I think at this point I can identify my co-workers by their breasts rubbing against my back.....okay that really is weird.  Oh well, honesty is on the menu today and this bitch is serving it up pipping hot!
Speaking of honesty, if one more person tells me to move faster I just may kill them.  No, I think I actually will kill them.  AND PLEASE STOP SENDING YOUR LITTLE SPIES TO CHECK ON MY PROGRESS!!!!  Damn, I am not stupid, I know what "How's it coming?" really means.  It means corporate is putting shit tons of pressure on me to get hours down and you need to work yourself out of hours so just hurry up already!!!!
In short...HOLY SHIT!